Untitled: Post #244
This rather late hour is my self-allocated blogging timeslot in an otherwise hectic studying schedule. I write my first three exams 18 short days from now so studying has obviously been a top priority recently.
Gone are the days of rocking up to an exam, completely unprepared and winging it, finding out a month later that you’ve somehow managed a 70. Nope. These past midyear exams were testament to that – I studied my ass off and only aggregated a lowly 53.
Anyhow, I was planning a more intimate post tonight, or this morning, but the words seem to be lost in the ether once again.
I should really write things down. Many a time I conjure up some truly masterful lyric only to forget it two minutes later. It’s a problem.
Before I run this to the ground, as I sense I am well on my way to doing just that, I’d like to assure my readers that I am in fact content. Not unhappy, not joyful but, content. And it’s a good, stable feeling.
On that note, I’m off to bed! There are a few lectures and tutorials I ought to attend tomorrow, even though it pains me thinking of them now. Sigh.
Such is life!
Are You the Storm, or the Sunshine?
Cape Town always looks gorgeous, even during a storm. (Courtesy of twitter.com/grahamandrobert)
That is what I missed earlier this morning. That is what I’ve missed for most of the year: Cape Town – my home; in all its glorious beauty.
This semester is dragging now. Seriously dragging. I have 18 days, 18 DAYS left in this stupid little hole-in-the-ground middle-of-nowhere town. During these 18 days, I write four dubiously simple exams.
*Sigh*
Apart from Paul Scholes announcing his retirement, (see my tribute here) which gave my morning an already melancholic tinge of grey, I’ve heard some more, somewhat more personal, and therefore, more distressing news today too…
Apparently, there are some things I don’t miss about home… Let me tell you about it, shall I? (more…)
Photos Between Friends
College is lonely time in one’s life. Other than the weekendly binge drinking sessions or the lecture before a big exam, you’re completely abandoned. It’s a solitary, desolate, 
hopeless business. When alone though, you seem to have so much extra time to think. You think about the future, the past, the present. You think about what you’re really trying to accomplish, or where your degree will get you in life. You think, “Is this really something I’m going to enjoy doing?” And, you think about the people who’ve become mere photographs stuck by reversed sticky tape to your dorm room walls, who you’ll only see for a few days in between months of terms. Both friends and family.
I love looking at these photographs though. I enjoy the expressions of everyone captured, almost as if the moment is still living, just frozen. Anyway, I just thought I’d share one of my favourite photographs of my friends with you today – I’m pretty sure my family hates pictures of themselves on the Internet. Oh well…
This was taken in 2008. It was the Matric (last year of school) farewell, and for some reason we were all shouting as loud as we could. I’m not sure why, but I just love how it captures the absolute joy at making it through twelve long years of school. It was a really great night. I guess my only regret was not knowing too much about ISO settings back then. My camera actually broke after the night because I snapped so many photos. The shop I got it from replaced it though. But damn, I miss those days.
High school was easy. Life, is so much harder now and there’s no sign of it easing off…
My Temporary Home
So it begins – yet again. The City of Saints has called me back for this, one of the most important terms in my schooling life thus far. Exams are a mere seven weeks away, gaining ground with every passing second. I can’t afford to screw up this term.
I’m so incredibly tired. I’m just about running on reserve power, yet I soldier on to have a little Cougar Monday mare. I need it. I have to set the tempo, excitement for my term. Yes, I could stay in my room studying tonight, but that would just burn me out. Instead, I’m gonna have fun – why we’re all on this planet in the first place. I still think of my friends back home though. I hope everyone is doing well.
Anyway, the shower awaits. And then it’s on to Pirates. I’ll recap my adventures soon readers, I promise.
- reddevilandy10
I Will Miss You, Rhodes
As I traipsed to the Student Bureau earlier this afternoon with the 28 Celsius sunlight washing Grahamstown with its healthy warmth, I noticed how lovely Rhodes’s grounds are in the Summer. Jacaranda’s line the streets, blossoming plumes of purple flowers. They contrast so well with the tree’s dark green finger-like leaves. The sky was a pure blue, marked with huge cumulus clouds on the horizon signaling a thunderstorm is a possibility. Not forgetting the veteran war buildings; them showing no signs of retiring anytime soon. Their big cornerstones make miniatures of the students darting in and out through the great wooden doors.
As I got to the Bureau, sadly, Ms. Wicks, the lady I wished to speak to and subsequently hand over the documents she needs, was not there. I shlepped out, wishing that she was sitting in that chair, that office, that all the students are so familiar with. You see, I need to apply for a Matric exemption in order to get my degree from Rhodes in 2013. I will be 22 at the beginning of the year, and not 23, so the automatic exemption will not apply. If I don’t get this clearance, I’m not sure what will happen. I don’t want to risk it.
With all this weighing heavy on my mind, I walked back through the archaic structures, the purple flanks of flowers, the lush, Summer grass… and wondered: “What if I don’t make it back here again next year?”.
What would I do?
I can’t stand to bear the thought but ever since I wrote my first exam well over three weeks ago now, I’ve had this stuck on my mind like an octopus to its prey. I can’t fail. I just can’t. I can’t be the first male of my family go to university and mess it up. I can’t be that person.
My strides became more laborious with each passing metre. My mind was the tired one, not my legs. I just couldn’t stop thinking of my life without Rhodes. Without my Bachelor of Journalism. Without my travel writing dream profession realised.
I will be utterly broken.
Religion: As I Define It
There has been a bit of a drought in the land of blogs it seems and I apologize readers. But, one cannot hold me accountable for time consuming studying, reading, highlighting, researching, mind-mapping, printing and practicing that goes on before one attempts to pass and exam. I, myself, tend to see exams as a bit of a “you either know it, or, you never will” concept, leaning heavily on the fact that some ideas and theories will just not penetrate my steel-clad cranium. Therefore, I am writing this post relying on my “cram as much as you can” technique of the day before.
Honestly, there hasn’t really been much to write about these past few weeks. I’ve completed three of six exams, I go home in ten days time and I’m pretty much flat broke. All in all, it is not a formula conducive to insightful, humorous or interesting to read posts. Instead, I come up with crap like this because my brain cannot be too bothered to think anymore after I stare at the same book for nine hours straight.
Seeing that I am still awake however, tonight, I wish to provide you readers with something a little more, well, serious. I would like to share my religious beliefs with you.
Firstly, I wear a cross around my neck, but I do not wish to affiliate myself with any religious group. I’m not Christian, I’m not Muslim, I’m not Jewish, I’m not anything. Some might say that, no, because I do not side with any team, I myself, am affiliated to another group – Atheists. Not true.
Secondly, I believe that spirituality is important in life, but I see religion as something to control the masses with. It is just another brand of ideologies. I like to think that I live up to some religious beliefs and morals – respecting my parents, regarding all creatures as significant and equal, steal not, kill not, live as if you are not the only person alive – but I would not say that I believe in everything a specific religious group suggests.
Yes, I know, this may come as a shock to not only my family, but some of my friends as well, but after having thought long an much about my spiritual situation – from the time I was actually a youth leader in my church about three years back – I believe that I have made my own decision.
Lastly, I’m not quite sure if there is indeed a “God”. Neither am I sure about my ultimate purpose in this life. One thing that I am sure about though, is what I deem to be the best way to live my life.
So, there you have it readers. The struggles one faces in the light of having known one thing and one thing alone your entire life, and not totally trusting it. I’ve been a real Christian for much of my life. But now, now, I am just me.
Thank you for reading,
reddevilandy10
Untitled: Post #122
Sigh…
Just over a month to go till I’m home again. I haven’t started studying yet, but I do only start on this coming Saturday, so that’s a bit of saving grace. It’s noticeable how small this place is getting…
I was thinking earlier… I really long to see a Cape Town sunset again. I miss watching it reluctantly sink below the Atlantic well past 8 in the evening. There is nothing better than feeling those last few beams of warm light against your skin. It’s incredible.
I can’t wait to drive too, drive to the beach and just relax, enjoy life… I’m really losing the essence of it all in being here. I just want to go home.
Home-Sick
I’m really homesick today, not to mention physically sick too.
I woke up at 5am this morning, for no substantial meaning… I got to see what there was of the sunrise… and I’ve been awake ever since. I haven’t stopped sneezing since I woke, I look like Rudolph with a beard and mustache. Dirty.
Not sure why I’m missing Cape Town today of all days, but it’s all I can think of now… okay, bar my Table Mountain of work piled on my desk looking at me as if I owe it something. Oh, and our psych lecturer thought he’d be really generous before Christmas and give us a six page essay due in nine days time. What an asshole.
Forgive me, I feel like utter shit today. I can’t even fall back to sleep. I’m just sitting here… watching my Twitter feed update like it’s a slot machine. Actually, God, this is reminding me of journ… Shit.
Before I really bring out the vile, crude, volatile version of English that I enjoy using so much on this blog… best I leave. Swiftly. Maybe throw my bed out my window just for fun. That would really make my day. Ha. Ha. Haaaa.
Untitled: Post #114
I swear, I feel like life is just sucking everything from me. Tripping my feet, kicking the shit out of me and leaving me on he ground to bleed…
After three paracetamol tablets, countless swigs of milk and four hours of laying in bed, I’m still awake. And I don’t want to be awake.
I guess Wednesday is carrying on… I had a really shitty day yesterday. I did absolutely no work, but at least my English is half done. My journ though… God, my journ is giving me nightmares. I honestly have no clue about my article direction or content. I’ll be amazed if I pass it. Thank God this exam counts 70%. My ass will definitely be on the line there.
Anyway, I just needed to get a few things off my chest in the hopes of a peaceful sleep. Somehow I just can’t pass out tonight. Stress maybe? I’m worried out of my skin, that’s for sure. I just really want to come back here next year. My biggest fear is being told I can’t. That will be more than I can take I think. Much more…
PS: It was one of my friends’ birthday’s today (well, yesterday actually), which I missed as he is in Cape Town. So Dean, I’d like to extend a happy birthday message to you on my blog too. “Life starts at 20,” they say, and my God are they right. The best is yet to come! Enjoy it.
- reddevilandy10
Unhealthy Times
I really should be doing my journ. But I really don’t want to. So I’m lying in bed. Laptop on lap. Typing this blog post.
I hate university at the moment.
Firstly, I feel like I’m rusting from the inside out. I’m not sure if it’s the tap water or what, but I’m not healthy.
Secondly, stress is slowly bubbling up… and this is not only me, it’s everyone. You can see it and hear it in people’s voices. Exams (more hand ins actually) are getting to people. It’s not healthy.
Thirdly, I seriously can’t wait for Friday, because apparently it’s going to be major. But I may not even be able to go out that night because of my journ application that needs to be completed.
And lastly, I’m not even buying anything, but I’m running out of money. I don’t know where the hell it all goes – maybe some mouse in my drawer is stealing it, I wouldn’t actually be surprised, but it’s bad. So unhealthy.
I think I’m going to sleep now, wake up early, and just kill journ. Tomorrow, I’ll have the strength. I hope. Peace!
- reddevilandy10
Coldplay Tracks and Rabbit Traps
Post Location: In bed.
Weather: Chilly and overcast.
Mood: I could be better; content.
I Feel Like…: Bunking my English tut and staying in bed.
Song of the Day: “Amsterdam” by Coldplay. (See below)
I’ve only had about five hours sleep today. It’s 8.12 in the morning and my eyes feel as if they’ve been surgically attached to my face. I had to wake up to finish an English tutorial, and should actually be doing my psych essay, but naa that’s for later’s entertainment.
The tut was really interesting… we’re doing modernist poetry so the works under the microscope today was Plath and Hughes “The Rabbit Catcher.” What a turbulent relationship it was in those poems aren’t emotionally biased. Hughes one I especially enjoyed.
Comparing a rabbit snare to a relationship? Yeah. You get the idea. Anyway, I’ll post both of the poems up on My Poetry page so you can have a read, because it’s well worth it.
On a much happier note, this Saturday, as I had said in last night’s post, will be one to remember. Really looking forward to it. It will probably be the last mare in Grahamstown for a while. After all, exams begin in less than a month’s time, and I have so many things due even my calendar is getting confused. I’m handling it though. Readers, you will be the first to know if your author has a mental or emotional breakdown!
I’m gonna try to get some rest now, even if it’s just for an hour, every second counts in this place.
PS:
Courtesy of user Bigjokk, here’s a YouTube video of Coldplay performing Amsterdam live from the V Festival in England in 2003. Enjoy.
- reddevilandy10
The “Mare”
Okay, well, just because there’s nothing to do tonight really, I’m blogging from my bed, in the currently windy city of Grahamstown. Seriously, it is windy. It is howling. Actually, no, that’s the room party going on a few doors down from me. Yes, someone is, actually, everyone is throwing some sort of party. All over res tonight I can hear music. Oh well, my bed is super comfortable. Drinking and dancing like an animal is for tomorrow rather.
Anyhow, I don’t have all that much to say tonight. It’s been a fragmented kind of day. At least I was able to get to the shop earlier, so I have some milk and a few bars of soap. Lol. That should last me until exams begin, I hope.
Tomorrow, the plan is to get proverbially motherless, or as they say in Afrikaans, doosdronk. It’s probably the last time I go out until swot week begins so, yeah. I’m aiming to make it a really, really big evening.
Until then, I shall say goodnight! Have a good day all!
- reddevilandy10
Term Four: The Final Stretch
Post Location: From my laptop. on my desk in my Smuts room, Grahamstown.
Weather: Extremely cold; clear; just above 10 degrees Celsius.
Mood: Tired but in a good frame of mind; determined.
I Feel Like…: Sitting at La Med with my friends, watching the sun set behind the ocean with a pina coloda in my hand.
Song of the Day: See below.
Having been at home this past week, it gave me a chance to catch up with the people who colour my life so vibrantly. Those who are always there for me, yes, even when I claim that they are not, I was deeply mistaken. The inspiration I have taken from those four days I got to spend with my friends and family will hopefully help me get through these next twelve weeks. The following twelve weeks will be the most crucial of my life thus far.
I begin examinations in eight weeks time, with one swot week in between, and three exam-state weeks in which I write six very important papers. Yep, so basically one could say that those three weeks will be the most important.
Anyway, getting back to my one week vacation – it really helped me refocus on why I am here. I figured that if I can get past this year, or more accurately this term, I basically have this degree wrapped up with a silver bow on it. I just need to graft for the next few weeks. I have realised that in the end, once I’m done with all this bullshit, I will be able to do exactly as I wish. I could work a bit, get a car, pay my parents back for the astronomical amounts that they’ve dished out in sending my ass here, and yes, eventually get my parents and more accurately, my mom, that kitchen she has always wanted.
It’s going to take bottles and bottles of energy drink, packet after packet of chocolate and hundreds of tons of breakfast cereal, but in the end, it will amount to something – something great.
For now, my short-term goals include passing this semester – and thus, the year; getting a part-time during the December holidays, earn a little cash for the following year; going absolutely bonkers with my friends for those three months that I will be home for; try to cut down on the convulsive mood-swings that I have way too often to be considered normal.
This term, I will try to be less dramatic, more factual and exact with my posts and more understanding to what people feel when I mention them in my blog.
I will, however, not hesitate to include what I want in this journal, as it is semi-private nonetheless.
I do feel like adding something extra to this blog… so, with that said, this is my inaugural “Song of the Day”
“Photographs” by Jamie Cullum.
This song reminds me so much of my recorded memories with the people I love. The lyrics go something like this:
“When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.
When I look back on my ordinary ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.”
And with that, I shall end. Friends, family, see you in November. Thank you for everything. Everything.
Ponderings of a Procrastinator
The alarm clock sings, you wake, searching with stupour for silence. One final reach, you’ve found it. Finally. Vacating bed is a task best left undone, however inevitable. Drawn navy curtains reveal rivers of relief from the clouds, steadily running down the glass separating fate from me. Rouge leaves carpet the ground, rustled off their planetree perches by the stiff winter winds. On introduction, the air is deathly, devoid of any reassurance or comfort. Students’ skin prepares to fight: a rash of goosebumps protrude on arms, abdomens, legs. Teeth and pens chatter, examination venues haunted by past failures of the thousands who occupied them before. Ticking clocks on the walls inform, the chance is fleeting. Hands frantically frolic through the mass of parchment, spoilt by ink of unknowns. Finally. The professor sings, pens fall down, searching in vain for moments passed. For… one… final… answer.
Are exams ever this stressful for you? I mean, the problem I face is not writing them, but studying. Procrastination is like my lifeblood. Without it, I’d be a squirrel collecting nuts just before the snow falls. At least the squirrel doesn’t go hungry, whereas I stagger into exams praying that the answers will just magically flow from my pen. Sigh.
In less than three days, I’ll be home, tearing Cape Town apart like a party-hungry cannibal.
In less than three days though, I will leave behind faces I have really enjoyed looking at, eyes I’ve marveled, talks I’ve found more interesting and florid than any other I have taken part in before. A major difference going back to a city where love is still looks like a stab wound through my white fitted shirt. I think I should make a pact, that should I use the “L” word any time during the upcoming six weeks, that I run through noon traffic on the N2. Something that will make me not want to use it. That word is way too serious for a vacation.
Wish me luck, as I embark on one of two final missions tomorrow, in the hope that freedom shall kiss me oh so passionately on Saturday!! That’s just a really fancy way (or a “really tired people” way) of saying, “I write my last two exams this week, so suck it!”.
Untill tomorrow, if psychology spares me!
- reddevilandy10
Update: Post 58
The past few weeks has seen me study more than I can vaguely recall, going on random “BP Runs” in the quest to kill the 2 a.m. hunger syndrome and totally neglect the one thing that’s actually the most constant in my life — my blog.
I feel pretty damn sick for not posting anything in the past two weeks. That’s not something I want to do again, I mean after all, JMS2 requires that I post at least once a day should I pass. Speaking of passing… I wrote two exams so far: Linguistics and English. Did they go well, you ask? Well, to tell you the truth, I have no idea how they were. I’m just thoroughly glad that they’re over now.
This week, with two exams left, I write psychology on Thursday with JMS (Journalism) on Saturday — the last day I spend in Grahamstown for six very long weeks. The weird thing is though, I’m really going to miss all the people, the atmosphere and the constant panicking of work not completed on deadline. It’s growing on me, and I don’t think I can move to UCT next year even if I wanted to. I am a Rhodent now.
Anyway, on a more random note, I’m playing “night owl” again. Tonight’s one of those when you just cannot sleep regardless of your efforts. I really need to start studying tomorrow though. It’s not just psych I’m worried about too. JMS is going to be probably the toughest exam I will write to date. I hope I end up eating those words. But yeah, tomorrow evening I’m meeting up with a friend of mine. A possible “Cougar Monday” mare taking place tomorrow, well, I might as well make the most of it — it will be the final time I go out in Grahamstown this semester. Really excited to spend some time with her too, I know she needs a good friend more than ever right now.
I’ve yet to plan my first week back in Cape Town though. My friends and I definitely need to sort out the itinerary for that! It is going to be a truly epic vacation!
Well, untill tomorrow (I hope) have a good one all!! I feel the gentle embrace of the sandman’s spell coming on. Nap time!
- reddevilandy10
Dear Blog…
…forgive me. For I have forsaken you in the lust for another literary volume, unwritten by me. Its tales are endless, its journeys – captivating and its protagonist – so innocent, so pure of heart.
If you’re wondering what the hell I’m going on about, don’t worry, you haven’t missed anything. I just finished (partly sped) reading Jane Eyre last night. What an amazing book. It totally recaptured my love for literature, and indeed, quelled my uneasy heart.
But, I really need to shake off this ‘colourful’ language. After all, my life isn’t all butterflies and Summer days. Just look outside the window right now. You would swear I’m living in Cape Town now – rain on and off with the sun peaking through the grey smudge that seems to be blanketing Grahamstown. It’s sure as hell not trapping in any heat though – a nice cool 7 Celsius is what the thermometer is shy to show. It’s bitterly cold.
Since I last updated my blog, I’ve been, as you all know, drenched in a torrent of assignments, tutorials and essays due this past week. I’m so glad this week is over. I do, however, dread Monday as I have yet another essay due. This time, a 2 000 minimum word Psychology paper. Awesome!! I’m so psyched!!!
As far as my normal, social life goes, the society has been great recently. I seem to meet a new face almost daily here, some faces, more pleasantly striking than others. Grahamstown life, college life, my life from my life, doesn’t seem so bad anymore. If anything, I feel that I could spend four years here, easily. My perception of the people here was a bit, one-sided, almost jaded if you will. But, the odd one or two have evoked a new feeling of gratitude for my residence here. I feel as if I am finally a part of this 1820′s city.
To end off, I haven’t had much sleep last night. I completed the essay at 5.30am and, since then, have had only an hour and a half’s rest. I am completely wired. Hopefully, I can have a proper powernap after lunch, but until then, I think I’ll entertain myself in laundry matters. These things need to be done after all.
Till later.
- reddevilandy10
Still So Confused
You may think I enjoy rambling on about my life, always finding some new part of it to complain about; but, the truth is, I hate it. I’m not sure what I have this undying need to complain and express all my negative feelings outwardly nowadays.
As most of you know, exams are about to begin — ironically, in exactly a month’s time to the day — and, well, I have no desire to try, at all. I feel like waking up in the morning is the hardest thing I have to do all day. And when you finally wake, you feel this cold chill running down your spine when you realise: you’re far away from the people who care for you. You’re on your own.
I’ve never been good on my own; that’s not to say I’m a dependent person though. After all, they say the hardest hammers are the most brittle.
I just wish I didn’t screw up so badly all the time. That’s all. I’m so confused.
Midweek Mentality
Once in a while, I like to get home from a lecture, kick off my shoes, put some Jason Mraz on, jump on my bed and just, chill. Life is too hard to keep constantly put in 100%; even the fastest racing cars have to brake now and again to turn the next corner.
Wednesday is usually a great day here. Apart from that bitch of a journalism tut I had to complete last night, I have no other work due today. Although, I do need to fetch a linguistics course guide, read Jane Eyre, which in, all honesty, is a pretty decent book, study for a psychology test and write a 1 200 and 2 000 word essay for English and psychology, respectively. Fun much? Indeed!
Of course, all of my subjects do actually need 100% of my constant attention, so you can’t blame me for relaxing when I do have the chance; and trust me, they’re few and far between. Others, however, see Wednesday as the mother of all nights here in Grahamstown. Beer, spirits and other sweet drinkables will be falling from the sky tonight, and what makes this phenomenon even worse is the fact we had a plus 35 Celsius day today. People will be thirsty. Granted.
I have my last lecture for the day in about half an hour, as well as that damn journalism tut two periods after that. I can’t wait to come back to res, do my work, read a bit, study some psychology and then, pass the [expletive] out. And that is, in all respect to my permanently-partying colleagues, my current Midweek Mentality.
Back At Rhodes
- Day 1 of 55.
Rhodes University; you haven’t changed a bit! It’s great being back, a total release from all the complications I’ve mounted up while I was in Cape Town. At least here, I have nothing to think about but work. Even though work should take up all my time, I still find myself occasionally thinking about the special people I’ve left behind. It does get lonely here, but, that is the beauty of this place — the isolation makes it a lot easier to study and concentrate. I feel as if I can actually control myself here whereas back home, I’d be going out every night, run out of money, flunk out of college and eventually get kicked out of house and home. Seriously.
The first day back felt like just another old Monday. Two dawnies, with two lectures at the end of the day again. One thing that may take a while getting used to again — res food. Okay, yes, they do get flack for feeding all of us everyday but, seriously, it sucks compared to a nice home cooked meal. The fridge is also sorely missed by probably all res Rhodents. Those tall white oases standing proudly in all of our kitchens at home are non-existent here, in the barren wastelands of our residences. God I miss that damn fridge!!
One side effect of being back is the work yet to be done too. A test on Friday, tutorials, two essays due this month, examinations beginning in under 32 days and yes, I still haven’t started reading Jane Eyre. Oh well, we pay Rhodes to give us work. I can’t complain. Academic work is a [expletive] load more simple than life itself. I just wish that some things would work out for me now and again. I’m pretty sick of screwing things up.
That’s for another post though. Anyway, I have a nice 9:35 opening English lecture on Romanticism tomorrow. Awesome much? Indeed!
From G’town,
reddevilandy10
Recent Comments