Photos Between Friends
College is lonely time in one’s life. Other than the weekendly binge drinking sessions or the lecture before a big exam, you’re completely abandoned. It’s a solitary, desolate, 
hopeless business. When alone though, you seem to have so much extra time to think. You think about the future, the past, the present. You think about what you’re really trying to accomplish, or where your degree will get you in life. You think, “Is this really something I’m going to enjoy doing?” And, you think about the people who’ve become mere photographs stuck by reversed sticky tape to your dorm room walls, who you’ll only see for a few days in between months of terms. Both friends and family.
I love looking at these photographs though. I enjoy the expressions of everyone captured, almost as if the moment is still living, just frozen. Anyway, I just thought I’d share one of my favourite photographs of my friends with you today – I’m pretty sure my family hates pictures of themselves on the Internet. Oh well…
This was taken in 2008. It was the Matric (last year of school) farewell, and for some reason we were all shouting as loud as we could. I’m not sure why, but I just love how it captures the absolute joy at making it through twelve long years of school. It was a really great night. I guess my only regret was not knowing too much about ISO settings back then. My camera actually broke after the night because I snapped so many photos. The shop I got it from replaced it though. But damn, I miss those days.
High school was easy. Life, is so much harder now and there’s no sign of it easing off…
Rainy Days and Mondays
Credit goes to The Carpenters for the title of this post.
I’ve had what could be considered and indifferent day today. Not only did I plan to wake up at four in the morning (which I did do) and work tirelessly (which I did not do), I went back to sleep and subsequently missed all my lectures. I managed to make my mandatory Psychology practical, but otherwise, not a bead of sweat had been spilt for my studies this Monday.
I have an excuse, mind you, a pretty good excuse. I felt like shit all day. I still do. I’m seriously considering going to bed now to wake up and work later (but we all know how that turned out last time!). I’ve been in a rotten mood too since the Liverpool mauling of Man United over the weekend, not to mention waking up yesterday to find that my laptop would not boot. Yeah, fabulous day it was yesterday. I had to reinstall Windows, which in turn, vapourised of all my family photos, videos, my music… shit, everything. I was so pissed. I probably should have backed up, but seriously, Windows is supposed to ask you what partition you want to install it on, not just kill the entire drive. Sigh. Thanks Microsoft.
So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to smile earlier..
Oh well, the good story of this week though is that I finally found my student card. Or, well, someone else did. She said she picked it up in Friar’s as she was leaving. At least there are still a few genuinely good people left on the planet. Anyhow, I need to pick that up soon as well. I’ll probably catch her at her residence; hopefully she’ll be home when I do decide to potter that side of campus.
Umm… as for everything else in my life – I’ve had little to no contact with my friends since my birthday. This is why I’m not really a fan of birthdays – they seem way too superficial for the people who aren’t directly affected. I’m sure they’re [just as] busy [as I am] but I try to make time for them, especially those who I think need it most. I’ll always just leave a message on her wall or something, just so that she knows I’m still there. Lately though, I feel like I’ve encroached on the friendship boundary set around our relationship like a ten-foot wall. Seriously feel like knocking it down… but that in itself would not be a wise decision.
I still miss home, but there’s four weeks until vacation begins. It’ll be soon before long, and one soon comes, it’s only a week-long vacation until I’m back, here, again. Sigh.
Anyway, my bed is looking evermore comfortable to me from here so I’m off to lie in it.
- reddevilandy10
Untitled: Post #170
Wow, my first post in freaking ages it would seem. To be completely honest, I wanted to stay away from this place for a few days. Blogging is just, well, if you have nothing to say, it’s pretty pointless. It’s kinda like having an online shopping account and then never buying anything, on it, ever. I’ve been broke, I guess you could say.
Anyhow, it’s an absolutely gorgeous day in Grahamstown. It’s around four in the afternoon, the sun is pleasantly comforting, the breeze keeping things fresh – it’s much like a nice day at home. The clouds are starting to roll in too a bit. Sigh. I miss home.
There’s not one damn paragraph I read or write when I don’t think of Cape Town. I look through my wallpapers, or my poster, or even my freaking music reminds me of the place. But I’m dealing with it, I really really am.
To avoid that topic, let me tell you a bit about the week I’ve had. Monday was insane; two free periods in a sea of tutorials and lectures. I, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending) didn’t go to a single lecture on Monday. I couldn’t help it okay. Don’t judge. I was sick; and no, not the puerile coughing and sneezing green alien goo sickness, proper sick. Hurling was becoming something of a hobby, to put it into perspective… Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… all a waste of time. Was sick for most of it, only recovered last night it would seem. I’m hundreds now of course, that’s just how these things work I guess. But karma has thoughtfully left a big fat pile of homework on my desk for me to complete before, you guessed it! Monday. Oh well.
Yeah… Trying to Sleep…
Insomnia hey. The sorry little bitch always sneaks up on you when you least need her. Such is life.
Lying in bed, with a 8.40 lecture in a few hours and a tutorial still untouched is not really my forte. No. It scares me to think how much procrastinating I have actually done this week. I scare myself. Granted, I took the initiative of finding some of the textbooks I need online, saving me and parents quite a sum, I still need about 20 more. Sad sad world.
Anyhow, the first week of real work begins this week! Yay! Super duper excited. Cough. Cough. Blerg.
Sorry, being positive nowadays is like using an umbrella in a lava shower – stupid.
Sigh.
I’ll be happier later, I promise. I just missed talking to my girls this weekend. Have no clue how they are and it’s getting to me, not in a good way. I hate my imagination.
Peace!
Facing The West
Sigh. This is a first; I’m actually running out of things to say, or write. I hardly had any sleep last night. Kept on having dreams about things. I think you all can guess who I was dreaming about. But it was so strange because I woke up at 3am to find a message on my phone. I opened it, and here was this video of the most gorgeous Cape Town sunset, taken by an equally gorgeous girl. It was so awesome. Amazing how a tiny little thing like that can just brighten up your darkest nights, or insomnia-ridden ones. Just knowing that she took the time to record it for me is just, well, a truly incredible feeling. It actually started on that roof, but whenever I see a sunset nowadays, I think of her. I really do miss her.
The first week away from home has been a lot easier than last year. I think I’ve grown heaps and bounds since then. Or maybe, just maybe knowing that there is one person I can truly say I love back at home is just helping me be strong, and wait. Regardless, the work hasn’t really been much lately. No tutorials during the first week of term, but I still need to speak to the department secretaries about my details, so they don’t neglect to put me in a tutorial group.
Speaking of academia and all its relations, I may be joining the Pool Club this year. I play so much that I might as well do it for propers. First though, I have to sort out this stuff today. I’ve been trying to psych myself up about seeing the English and History secretaries for a few days. I know the English one, very sweet yet can pop, has been known to be a bit angry. Oh well, I’m gonna try to get some sleep before my next lecture. Until later…
- reddevilandy10
Lost Puppy Syndrome
Some days, I feel more like a lost puppy than on any others, just looking for his human. Today? Today is one of those. For those times when everything just builds, and builds and you see no form of release… I call it Lost Puppy Syndrome.
I really don’t like talking about my emotions to people who I don’t know, but my blog is slowly tending to that trust issue I have. I don’t mean to moan or to be a sensationalist… but this is real life. It can’t be amazing all the time. You will feel crap sooner than later. This is my time.
Why all of a sudden? I don’t really know. I woke up to one of the best dreams I have had in a long time, nothing sexual… it was nothing more than a perfect perception of my ideal life. It was glorious.
Of course, waking from that was a huge mistake – my life is far from being that perfect painting I try so hard to find. I was greeted with work due among other things. Reality is not the one you’d like to get coffee and a bagel from in the morning, let’s just put it like that.
Oh well, I’m off to journalism in a few minutes, so I thought I’d vent my anger, anxiety or just plain neuroticism here for all to read.
I’ll leave you with a lyric from my former Song of the Day, Amsterdam, performed by Coldplay:
“Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I’m dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath”
I hope you’re reality is looking sunnier than mine, and yes, it is ironically, raining.
Term Four: The Final Stretch
Post Location: From my laptop. on my desk in my Smuts room, Grahamstown.
Weather: Extremely cold; clear; just above 10 degrees Celsius.
Mood: Tired but in a good frame of mind; determined.
I Feel Like…: Sitting at La Med with my friends, watching the sun set behind the ocean with a pina coloda in my hand.
Song of the Day: See below.
Having been at home this past week, it gave me a chance to catch up with the people who colour my life so vibrantly. Those who are always there for me, yes, even when I claim that they are not, I was deeply mistaken. The inspiration I have taken from those four days I got to spend with my friends and family will hopefully help me get through these next twelve weeks. The following twelve weeks will be the most crucial of my life thus far.
I begin examinations in eight weeks time, with one swot week in between, and three exam-state weeks in which I write six very important papers. Yep, so basically one could say that those three weeks will be the most important.
Anyway, getting back to my one week vacation – it really helped me refocus on why I am here. I figured that if I can get past this year, or more accurately this term, I basically have this degree wrapped up with a silver bow on it. I just need to graft for the next few weeks. I have realised that in the end, once I’m done with all this bullshit, I will be able to do exactly as I wish. I could work a bit, get a car, pay my parents back for the astronomical amounts that they’ve dished out in sending my ass here, and yes, eventually get my parents and more accurately, my mom, that kitchen she has always wanted.
It’s going to take bottles and bottles of energy drink, packet after packet of chocolate and hundreds of tons of breakfast cereal, but in the end, it will amount to something – something great.
For now, my short-term goals include passing this semester – and thus, the year; getting a part-time during the December holidays, earn a little cash for the following year; going absolutely bonkers with my friends for those three months that I will be home for; try to cut down on the convulsive mood-swings that I have way too often to be considered normal.
This term, I will try to be less dramatic, more factual and exact with my posts and more understanding to what people feel when I mention them in my blog.
I will, however, not hesitate to include what I want in this journal, as it is semi-private nonetheless.
I do feel like adding something extra to this blog… so, with that said, this is my inaugural “Song of the Day”
“Photographs” by Jamie Cullum.
This song reminds me so much of my recorded memories with the people I love. The lyrics go something like this:
“When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.
When I look back on my ordinary ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.”
And with that, I shall end. Friends, family, see you in November. Thank you for everything. Everything.
Untitled: Post #97
I am so comfortable. I swear, this bed is fast becoming my favourite place to be. Even though it does feel as if I’m cheating on my home bed with this one – I could just pass out right now.
Grahamstown is actually rainy today, can you believe it? I’m not sure if this is a good or bad omen for the new term. I wish I could feel this good everyday though. Warm, just showered, clean, under the blankets with the heater on, it feels wonderful.
I do have to get up here eventually though as I have Psych at 15h10… in about 90 minutes or so. Sigh. I really don’t want to go out into the rain.
Thank You For Noticing
I wonder where my Cape Town friends have been recently. You just don’t hear anything from them anymore, you know? I wonder. Have they left the country? Or have they forgot that I actually exist? Hmm… these questions must be asked I’m afraid.
On top of that, the only person you think who abstractly cares about you is you ex-girlfriend who seems to have burnt all her memories of me too. Sigh. This shit just keeps coming round to haunt me.
The more I try to get out of it, the harder it pulls me in.
And yes, I feel helpless sometimes. That’s why it would be great to have friends who are genuinely interested in your life. I swear, I am independent and I like my solidarity but shit, there are some times you just need to lean on someone, sometimes even let them carry you.
On top of that, doing shit that really makes you unhappy (like journalism, for example) everyday doesn’t make life feel any sunnier. Speaking of which, journalism readers, has nothing to do with writing. I hate researching. I hate interviewing. I hate having to attend these stupid, boring , pointless lectures every day. I hate it!
Don’t ask me why I chose journalism. Looks like I’ll be the latest failed student to have wasted copious amounts of my parents money on visioned greatness in which I had no information on whatsoever.
On top of that, there’s nothing quite like being reminded that you can’t travel the world because you are broke. Yes, being asked “how are you going to do that” a hundred times over does not make me feel better. I have no clue how I am going to do it. Just don’t spoil the dream for me please, it’s probably the only thing that encourages me to get out of bed in the mornings. Having my shortcoming over-emphasized is not how I picture spending my Sunday evening.
I have to finish a shit lot of work tonight. Best I get started.
After The Ling Test
Shattered. Pretty much what I am after that. I hate sitting in a test and watching the people around you frantically writing down answers while you just sit there, clueless. I’m failing this test, that’s for sure.
It pretty much summed up my week – horrid.
Nothing was good about this week. If anything, it’s making me realise how badly I want to get out of this place and back home. But it’s not as if anyone will be waiting for me to come home with open arms. Yes, my family misses me but I really don’t know what my friends think. I sometimes think that they forget all about me. And yes, that was aimed at my friends.
I have another test tomorrow, this time a multiple choice psychology test. Fun! I really hate those. I think I’m going to have a quick nap now, and begin my work later. Maybe after 12, when I feel like working.
Before The Ling Test
Well, this week has been pretty rubbish. I’ve missed virtually all lectures, I’ve done nothing, no work, I feel pretty bleak too.
Actually, bleak is the wrong word. I feel horrible. I’m sleepy all the time, I just want to stay in bed constantly too. The work is piling up but I don’t seem to get anything done when I actually do try and work. And, yes, my grammatical and lexical skills are really crap too.
I feel awful.
The Approaching Cold
Sigh…
I’m feeling rotten today. This sore throat is here to stay, I just hope it doesn’t decide to spread. I can already feel a few sneezes and coughs coming soon. Such rubbish luck, and I still need to go to two classes today. I missed English (again) and Linguistics already, I can’t afford to miss any more regardless of how crap I feel. So… sigh… I guess I’m just going to have to get my ass out of bed, take some really strong painkillers and trounce this oncoming cold with meds.
Anyway, other than the cold, I really felt like going out tonight. But, due to the mounting work and other formalities of life, it looks to be a far-fetched little idea. Then again, you can’t really rule out any idea here, plans change more often than not!
Well, I’m off to have a good shower, and into bed for a while until 15h10 when I have psychology. Sigh… Let’s see what we can make of today.
Mid-Year Flashbacks
June the 1st. A date synonymous with the beginning the year’s back six months, rendering the past six void in the flesh but pretty concrete in memory. And I can assure you, the first half of 2010 has been a life-changing one.
With school a stale remainder of my stagnant life, I broke from my gap year and applied for one “Rhodes University” in a little town in the Eastern Cape. Two weeks later, I received a letter stating my acceptance. What you guys may not know is that Rhodes actually called me and told me: “You cannot study at Rhodes this year, you haven’t a Matric exemption”. I swear to God, at that moment, I felt as if my life had reached its limit. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to achieve a thing. UCT failed to accept me, and now, my only other option is about to go back on its word too.
Amazingly, by some divine intervention, I found myself here, Rhodes, after all. I haven’t a clue what happened during that phone call my Dad made to them, but all of a sudden I was accepted again.
I arrived in Grahamstown pensive, shy and intimidated: from the big city where I knew many people to a town where I knew not a soul. It was scary. My first few days here, I stayed in my dorm all day, passing the time aimlessly.
Eventually, as lectures began in February, I started to adjust to my surroundings. Thousands of new faces buzzing everywhere — a totally new experience for me. I had worked at UCT the previous year and got a taste of university life but it was nothing compared to this. Rhodes was a whole new adventure.
With my mind ever day dreaming of Cape Town, friends and family, I quickly felt homesick. Cornered and alone, I guess I just, waited it out. But nothing helped.
Eventually, vacation arrived, I went back to Cape Town for two weeks. It was probably one of the best fort nights of my entire life.
Second term began with purpose. Be it a proper exam quarter, everyone worked doubly hard. To cut a really long and monotonous story short, second term is about to end, exams are still being written and I am loving it.
Now, sitting in my bed at 3.30 in the morning, with a God awful headache and the taste of toothpaste swirling around my mouth, I think about how amazing the past six months have been. How much I have grown as an individual and the intricate chains of events that have formed my life thus far. As challenging as these obstacles are, you can’t deny there is something beautiful in their design.
I just came back from one of the most eventful, definitely, but also, the most rewarding and satisfying nights out I’ve had in a while. You girls are truly amazing. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Thanks so much for the evening!
The perfect way to end 2010 Part 1. The perfect way to begin 2010 Part 2!
Roll on June!!
- reddevilandy10
Sousveillance
As you all can see, when I do pluck up the strength needed to get out of bed and go to the Journalism lecture, I actually pay attention. Today’s topic was sousveillance, basically the opposite of surveillance. And it got me thinking, I’m doing tons of that right here without really realising it.
Today was marred (and still is) by this rain that just won’t go away. It has been raining since I woke at 7.40 this morning, and still is raining now at 16.20. It’s horrible. A fair reflection on my own perception of life right now. Cold, damp and wintry.
Which brings me to this:
“Have you ever had one of those days where nothing all that monumental happens, but by the end of it you have no idea who you are or what the hell you are doing with your life? Do you ever have one of those days?”
- Robin Scherbatsky (played by Colbie Smoulders)
It comes from the HIMYM episode: “Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.”
Well have you?
My day was like this. My week has been like this. The past month has been like this. It’s like school all over again. The same cycle every single day. Waking up, breakfast, class, lunch, class, supper, work, sleep, waking up… &c.
I really don’t know what I’m doing here. Does anyone else feel this way??
Winter Nearing?
Currently, according to the weather centre here at Rhodes, the temperature is a nice and toasty 13.2 Celsius. God only knows what the windchill is because it is freezing outside. A sign perhaps that it’s time to get those fleecy blankets, hot chocolate and thick woolly gloves out?
Otherwise, today was a success. I mended a few awesome friendships, learned that Indian lecturers here enjoy using “damn” as an expression of enjoyment and I managed to pimp my laptop a bit. Running four virtual desktops baby! — pretty much how Apple do it. Four times more work (or, four times more procrastination?) on one laptop! Legendary.
I have so much still to do though. But, before I pull one hell of a Tuesday out from my [expletive], I need a good eight hours — Rhodents don’t like to admit that they sleep; but, believe it or not, this place is dead after 12 every night… Except maybe on a Wednesday or Friday.
In the meantime, To Club Duvet!
- reddevilandy
Jane Eyre
Two lectures (actually, one, for reasons I can’t discuss) and I’m back at res. Can you see why I love Mondays? I think I’ll just curl up in bed, as it’s alarmingly cold outside, and page through, what is definitely, a literary masterpiece.
Charlotte Bronte wrote a really great book here. More often than not I was able to just throw myself into Jane’s shoes. Although, I was never orphaned and forced to live with my evil aunt, I feel like I do experience some of the emotions she does on a daily basis. Bronte manages to pair the most vehement yet subtle wordings together in each sentence. The book feels like it has been written with absolute thought. It’s amazing. Even though it is a setwork book which I have to finish before Friday… It’s still very enjoyable.
As good as this book is though, I feel as if I could pass out at any moment. Maybe have a nap and save all the shitty work for later? I think so!
Until later,
- reddevilandy10
P.S: Just out of curiosity, and seeing that we are on the topic of Jane Eyre; does the movie Definitely, Maybe seem half told to you? Incomplete? I felt that strange “I want to know more” sensation when I watched it again the other day.
Drop me a comment!
So Bored
Now this I haven’t done in a while… Blogging from my little Nokia 3110 Classic. Why, you wonder, have I resorted to such desperate means to post on my humble blog? Truth be told: I’m bored.
Currently sitting in EG Red lecture theatre waiting for journalism to begin; psych ended early again today. I love the way that *always* happens when I have journalism afterward. It sucks.
I’m really missing home today too. One of my best friends may become a mommy later, and I’m not there. I miss everyone so much; especially you!
Anyway, I think I’ve got to run. This lecture’s probably going to be one, huge, gigantic waste of time!
P.S.: She had, in fact, became a mommy before I posted this, unbeknown to me. I only found out now, a good two hours afterward. Anyway, Congratulations new mommy!!
Alive And, Well…
Weather Today: Currently 28 Celsius… compared to 41 yesterday, it’s relatively chilly.
Mood: Relaxed, content, quite warm!
Now Playing: “Half Of My Heart” by John Mayer featuring Taylor Swift.
In The Mood For…: A triple-scooped ice cream cup from Dulce in High Street.
O-Week is over. I can’t believe how quickly everything has just passed me by. The other day I was busy packing, well, rather procrastinating, and now, here I am in Grahamstown, over 800km away from home. It’s crazy. But I love crazy.
There’s s something really magical about this place. The first time I got here, it felt like a suburb of Cape Town… without the obvious views and surrounding oceans. But still, it felt as if I could actually live here. I’m not hinting that I’d like to actually “settle down” here, shit, I’m just here for that elusive BJourn that I crave so much. Then I’ll be gone. Or maybe not? I’m sure I’d like my children to experience this place. Lol…having said that….
Luckily, I have some free time. I actually should be reading some poetry, but I thought I’d update my blog before WordPress decides to free up some server estate by deleting mine.
Lectures started this Monday. All I can say is, I’ll wait for the real stuff to begin. I’m not into all these Mickey Mouse exercises were doing. It’s a ton of writing and they pretty much pointless – they don’t count towards marks.
Umm…what else can I say? Oh yes! Managed to Skype one of my most favourite people on the planet Monday evening. We chatted for about 90 odd minutes. Seemed so short. I didn’t want to go, but we both had to. I find something very reassuring and calming in her voice. After the chat, I slept so well. Probably the best sleep I’ve had since I’ve been here. I miss her so much. Can’t wait to see her in June.
Anyway, it’s high time I get ready for lectures. First one conveniently begins at 10h35 today. Awesome!!
Might update later too!! Will keep in touch.
From the very heart of G.Town,
reddevilandy10.
Recent Comments