The Puppy Who Couldn’t Stop Sneezing
In my previous post, I spoke of how awesome those temporal moments of doing completely nothing are. Well, this weekend I did nothing, except blow my nose really hard, cough like a gibbon and sweat as though my bed was a thermos. I guess the stresses, both mentally and physically, of week four had finally caught up with me. But wouldn’t you know it, I’m right as rain again today! Just in time for Monday too! (more…)
Just Another Tuesday, Heh?
Warning: This post contains, what some readers may consider, strong language.
There is nothing more satisfying than missing an English lecture, to be told in the tutorial the following day, that is was in fact, canceled. Even though I properly despise English tuts, they do have their fleeting moments of entertainment. (more…)
A New Start: Day 1 of 365
I think college can go and (rhymes with duck) itself today. Actually, no, that can’t work because if I say that it will be “college” performing the verb (still rhymes with duck) in that sentence on me. I wish life could just pause for a instant or too at the opportune moments. When you’re enveloped in that capricious second it always seems to turn into an hour without anyone ever noticing. (more…)
Lost Puppy Syndrome – The Inevitable Regression
Warning: This post contains very strong language that some readers may consider offensive.
I’m not going to pretend that these thoughts don’t affect me anymore. (more…)
Forty Days of Waiting
Today, even though today barely started for me yet, has been a Ethan Hunt-style “I can’t get out of bed because the bed will self-destruct” type of day. After waking up no less than three times in the wee hours of last night, for reasons I frankly have no idea, I slept well past my 06h00 goal, waking up at a peachy… I can’t believe it either… 11h00. Yes! A five-hour oversleep. I think that has to be some kind of record?
In the process, I missed a tut and two lectures. I feel pretty shit about it, trust me.
On a lighter note… Homesickness has finally pierced my experience-hardened outer shell after merely a week. Not as bad as a few months ago though, but regardless, I just really want to be home. I close my eyes and all I see are my loved ones. Well, there’s someone in particular who I see more often than not. I swear if I had a car I’d drive home just to see her every weekend.
Cape Town could not be any further than it is today, nor could this term be any longer. Unfortunately, I can’t help but wait…
Untitled: Post #216
Life is really a sadomasochistic son-of-a-bitch, at the best of times. I woke with a seasonal sore throat and mucous covered pillow… influenza anyone? Sigh. I suppose it’s good though. My emotional and spiritual health has been so far from salubrious for a several months now, it’s only right that my body follows suit. Actually, this is the best I’ve felt in a while though… ironically.
I’ve done some in-depth pondering on subjects including my career, my love life and of course, my entire existence, trying in vain at first, to find solutions to all of those problem areas. I suppose I should add “my current health” to that list as well. I’m fit enough to go out tonight, at least. Going to see “Hangover II” later, and as a result a subsequent review will be available on this blog as soon as I have the tinge to post write and publish it.
Anyhow, back to my ponderings the other night. Watching the Travel Channel really does wonders to one’s imagination. That is my dream job, except the camera and microphone are replaced by a pen and pencil. I’m making it my highest objective after college ends in two years time. I’ll have to find some way to get across to Europe though, or as a start, I could begin in South Africa, perhaps even Cape Town itself. I’m not really thinking about the white picket fence scenario yet. I don’t care about a car, a house, I just want to write about my travels, my experiences in a way that will encourage others to do the same. Or if they can’t, transport them to the world I experience. Through touch, taste, smell, visions and sounds… That is what I’d love to do.
And that is my goal.
Perhaps I don’t know how to get there. Perhaps it’s not the life a muse of mine would enjoy sharing, but I have to do this for myself before I can think about her.
Anyway, that’s probably enough small talk for the evening. I’m about to picked up by my friends. Stay tuned for the Hangover II Review… coming soon!
Until then!
- reddevilandy10
The Philosophy of Religion
There is a haunting beauty surrounding the winter’s air here. Last night was extremely tough for me. After falling asleep at 3am only, I’m left with dry eyes, a heavy mind and no will to write this exam. But, unfortunately, it has to be done.
This week has got to go down as the toughest in my life thus far. Never before have I experienced every possible human emotion in the space of just three days. It’s as if the entire year has been condensed into this, the focal point, exams. I wish it wasn’t the case. I wish I had the strength to deal with everything life is throwing at me, but it’s just so difficult. I know, if she were here, it would be easier. Just knowing that she’s up the hill or on the other side of the phone made the load lighter. Inevitably, life has taken away yet another thing from this world, this time, someone who lit up everyone’s lives.
In a few moments, I’ll be trying my best to write this philosophy exam. Ironically, one of the topics that’ll be covered is the “Philosophy of Religion”. Right now, I really doubt that there is a God. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that the last few days have been real, I struggle. It feels like a dream. A nightmare.
I wish I hadn’t fallen asleep.
Are You the Storm, or the Sunshine?
Cape Town always looks gorgeous, even during a storm. (Courtesy of twitter.com/grahamandrobert)
That is what I missed earlier this morning. That is what I’ve missed for most of the year: Cape Town – my home; in all its glorious beauty.
This semester is dragging now. Seriously dragging. I have 18 days, 18 DAYS left in this stupid little hole-in-the-ground middle-of-nowhere town. During these 18 days, I write four dubiously simple exams.
*Sigh*
Apart from Paul Scholes announcing his retirement, (see my tribute here) which gave my morning an already melancholic tinge of grey, I’ve heard some more, somewhat more personal, and therefore, more distressing news today too…
Apparently, there are some things I don’t miss about home… Let me tell you about it, shall I? (more…)
The Pang Behind My Eyes
How bad does it have to become before you speak to someone?
This post is bordering on the surreptitious, but it is my blog, and somehow I feel more secure with leaving my troubles here than conducting face-to-face conversations about them.
Anyhow, as I have mentioned in practically every post since this blog’s inception, I’ve been feeling melancholic for most of the year, except for January, in which were some of the most enjoyed days of my life. Apart from that, I haven’t been able to smile with much conviction or with any regularity. I’ve been unmotivated, constantly tired, plagued with headaches and eyesores, lacking concentration for more than three minutes at a time and I’ve had this temperamental appetite – akin to a supermodel one day and a garbage disposal truck the next. So, I decided to research all these [symptoms] last night. The net spat out something known as “dysthymia” but I’m not sure if that could be it. If you’re not sure what that is, Google it yourself. I don’t feel too comfortable about describing what it is here – it would probably just make me sound like a hypochondriac. But that’s what I thought myself! I thought I was just in a hole I’m not bothering to climb out of. But it’s not the case, and I fear something is medically and systematically with me.
I probably am just imagining things, but it is curious that I feel everything that the website described. Sigh.
I think I need a nap again. Even though I’ve slept for much of the day, I’m still tired. Even though I’m missing yet another lecture, I feel nothing. Nothing at all. No drive. No ambition. I’m just being carried away through university and life; like a log in a flash-flood. And I couldn’t care anymore. I just don’t care at all.
Yesterday’s Good News
I’ve some great news, readers. I received post yesterday confirming my conditional exemption! meaning that I can legally study towards and obtain my degree, without having to repeat Matric or anything stupid as such. Awesome, huh? Yeah, I’m pretty stoked, even though I may not convey that expression through this post today.
There are five assignments sitting alongside my laptop, staring at me with a dejected stare, as if I owe it something. I suppose, I have neglected the researchings and studyings that my work so dearly requires these past few weeks, but mainly because to find inspiration in anything I do I need a kick up my ass. That mail yesterday, was the proverbial kick.
Anyhow, in saying this, remember how much I enjoy Autumn? How the falling leaves and swirling winds join to pain the roads and sidewalks in reds and yellows and oranges and all sorts of gorgeous colours? Well, I was walking home from the library last night, earphones in, playing Rufus Wainwright’s rendition of “Hallelujah”, when this blanket of low cloud decides to burst, leaving me caught in the middle of this splattering mist slash drizzle. The streetlights were flashing, the poles swaying, my hands shivering. But here’s here weird part… the wind roared during the verses… and then… the moment “hallelujah, hallelujah” was sung, everything just calmed down. Peace. Utter stillness. It was stupefying. Even though my face and clothes were completely drenched when I got back to res, it made me appreciate just how incredibly strange life is. Life has a sense of humour that we seldom appreciate. If I had not received such wonderful news earlier in the day, I would have looked at getting caught in the rain a really sick joke, or that the almighty bully sitting on a cloud in Heaven has decided to pick on me today.
I believe that people can change their destinies. I don’t believe in things “happening for a reason” though, but I know that getting that wake up call about my Matric should to inspire, enlighten and cause me to appreciate everything I’m trying to work towards. And go to damn lectures too!
I finally belong here. I’m at Rhodes not because of pure chance, but because I’m destined to be here.
Photos Between Friends
College is lonely time in one’s life. Other than the weekendly binge drinking sessions or the lecture before a big exam, you’re completely abandoned. It’s a solitary, desolate, 
hopeless business. When alone though, you seem to have so much extra time to think. You think about the future, the past, the present. You think about what you’re really trying to accomplish, or where your degree will get you in life. You think, “Is this really something I’m going to enjoy doing?” And, you think about the people who’ve become mere photographs stuck by reversed sticky tape to your dorm room walls, who you’ll only see for a few days in between months of terms. Both friends and family.
I love looking at these photographs though. I enjoy the expressions of everyone captured, almost as if the moment is still living, just frozen. Anyway, I just thought I’d share one of my favourite photographs of my friends with you today – I’m pretty sure my family hates pictures of themselves on the Internet. Oh well…
This was taken in 2008. It was the Matric (last year of school) farewell, and for some reason we were all shouting as loud as we could. I’m not sure why, but I just love how it captures the absolute joy at making it through twelve long years of school. It was a really great night. I guess my only regret was not knowing too much about ISO settings back then. My camera actually broke after the night because I snapped so many photos. The shop I got it from replaced it though. But damn, I miss those days.
High school was easy. Life, is so much harder now and there’s no sign of it easing off…
I’m Not Bothering With A Title
Warning: This post contains language of a very explicit nature, not to mention an extreme case of “I couldn’t care less how cohesive and sensical this post is” grammatical and structural characteristics.
Click the link below to read on.
My Temporary Home
So it begins – yet again. The City of Saints has called me back for this, one of the most important terms in my schooling life thus far. Exams are a mere seven weeks away, gaining ground with every passing second. I can’t afford to screw up this term.
I’m so incredibly tired. I’m just about running on reserve power, yet I soldier on to have a little Cougar Monday mare. I need it. I have to set the tempo, excitement for my term. Yes, I could stay in my room studying tonight, but that would just burn me out. Instead, I’m gonna have fun – why we’re all on this planet in the first place. I still think of my friends back home though. I hope everyone is doing well.
Anyway, the shower awaits. And then it’s on to Pirates. I’ll recap my adventures soon readers, I promise.
- reddevilandy10
Anti-Planning
Wow, where has the time gone? Just the other day I was fantasizing about my wonderful week’s vacation. Now, it’s Thursday morning, and I’m due back to my personal little hell in less than four days time. Sigh. I honestly don’t even know where this degree will take me anyway. I’m starting to think that not getting into journalism is a major setback. Anyway… I don’t want to put a dampener on this somewhat good mood I’m in.
I feel like going shark-cage diving, or snorkeling or fishing, or hiking, or something tomorrow. I really do. My time is almost up here and I won’t be back until June, which is shit long and generally shit in Cape Town because it’s winter. So, yeah, I feel like doing something stupid. Maybe even drunk-texting, or something.
It’s really windy here tonight. It’s nice though to have wind that actually rustles the leaves and curtains a bit. And there’s a howl too. It’s great. It was supposed to rain today but that never materialized. So yeah. I can’t even remember what I did today. Sadly, that’s most days for me, and yeah, I’m not even an alcoholic.
The braai that I was supposed to go to was cancelled like an hour before it was supposed to happen and that left everyone flat-footed about what to do and pissed off with life in general. It’s okay though. I’m used to plans falling through here. The only plans that ever seem to work properly are the Kirstenbosch Carols by Candlelight concert in December. It’s probably the only event that my friends and I have attended for consecutive years. And that better stay that way. It might be the world’s last Christmas this year, after all, life as we know it is supposed to come to an end in 2012. As the Mayans would believe it.
Rainy Days and Mondays
Credit goes to The Carpenters for the title of this post.
I’ve had what could be considered and indifferent day today. Not only did I plan to wake up at four in the morning (which I did do) and work tirelessly (which I did not do), I went back to sleep and subsequently missed all my lectures. I managed to make my mandatory Psychology practical, but otherwise, not a bead of sweat had been spilt for my studies this Monday.
I have an excuse, mind you, a pretty good excuse. I felt like shit all day. I still do. I’m seriously considering going to bed now to wake up and work later (but we all know how that turned out last time!). I’ve been in a rotten mood too since the Liverpool mauling of Man United over the weekend, not to mention waking up yesterday to find that my laptop would not boot. Yeah, fabulous day it was yesterday. I had to reinstall Windows, which in turn, vapourised of all my family photos, videos, my music… shit, everything. I was so pissed. I probably should have backed up, but seriously, Windows is supposed to ask you what partition you want to install it on, not just kill the entire drive. Sigh. Thanks Microsoft.
So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to smile earlier..
Oh well, the good story of this week though is that I finally found my student card. Or, well, someone else did. She said she picked it up in Friar’s as she was leaving. At least there are still a few genuinely good people left on the planet. Anyhow, I need to pick that up soon as well. I’ll probably catch her at her residence; hopefully she’ll be home when I do decide to potter that side of campus.
Umm… as for everything else in my life – I’ve had little to no contact with my friends since my birthday. This is why I’m not really a fan of birthdays – they seem way too superficial for the people who aren’t directly affected. I’m sure they’re [just as] busy [as I am] but I try to make time for them, especially those who I think need it most. I’ll always just leave a message on her wall or something, just so that she knows I’m still there. Lately though, I feel like I’ve encroached on the friendship boundary set around our relationship like a ten-foot wall. Seriously feel like knocking it down… but that in itself would not be a wise decision.
I still miss home, but there’s four weeks until vacation begins. It’ll be soon before long, and one soon comes, it’s only a week-long vacation until I’m back, here, again. Sigh.
Anyway, my bed is looking evermore comfortable to me from here so I’m off to lie in it.
- reddevilandy10
March Memoirs
Although I have a 750-word paper due Friday morning on a book I barely even started, I’m rather relaxed, albeit a little sleepy. Today was a typical Tuesday; the 11am start, the English tutorial over lunch, the History 101 class hosted by the coolest lecturer in the department and the ever-so-yawnsome English lecture at the end of the day.
Oh, and happy 1st of March to my readers.
March is a special month for me. My birthday is coming up at the end of the week – the day I turn the dreaded 21, when life apparently finally begins. I haven’t taken my birthdays very seriously recently. I recall how awful last year’s was. I forgot I had an English essay due, I had a psychology tutorial at 5pm, and a psychology test at 7. It was horrible. I think I stayed in my room after the test, went to bed early that evening. But no, my birthday shall not be like that this year again! Hell no. I just wish I would’ve spent it in Cape Town with my family and friends. I do have friends here though, and Grahamstown is the place I’d rather spend my birthday if not Cape Town, so I guess it’s not all that bad after all.
St. Patrick’s Day is another date to diarise. We plan to paint our friend green, and dye his hair orange. Sounds like epic fun if you ask me. It’s going to be another raucous weekend.
Anyway, I ought to be doing my work. If I don’t finish this essay tonight, or at least write the intro, I don’t know when I will. Until next time.
- reddevilandy10
Untitled: Post #170
Wow, my first post in freaking ages it would seem. To be completely honest, I wanted to stay away from this place for a few days. Blogging is just, well, if you have nothing to say, it’s pretty pointless. It’s kinda like having an online shopping account and then never buying anything, on it, ever. I’ve been broke, I guess you could say.
Anyhow, it’s an absolutely gorgeous day in Grahamstown. It’s around four in the afternoon, the sun is pleasantly comforting, the breeze keeping things fresh – it’s much like a nice day at home. The clouds are starting to roll in too a bit. Sigh. I miss home.
There’s not one damn paragraph I read or write when I don’t think of Cape Town. I look through my wallpapers, or my poster, or even my freaking music reminds me of the place. But I’m dealing with it, I really really am.
To avoid that topic, let me tell you a bit about the week I’ve had. Monday was insane; two free periods in a sea of tutorials and lectures. I, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending) didn’t go to a single lecture on Monday. I couldn’t help it okay. Don’t judge. I was sick; and no, not the puerile coughing and sneezing green alien goo sickness, proper sick. Hurling was becoming something of a hobby, to put it into perspective… Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… all a waste of time. Was sick for most of it, only recovered last night it would seem. I’m hundreds now of course, that’s just how these things work I guess. But karma has thoughtfully left a big fat pile of homework on my desk for me to complete before, you guessed it! Monday. Oh well.
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